I’m searching for an approximate combination of blue collar morals, skill, humor, sweetness, height and filth.  I am highly intelligent, and aggressively droll. I deservedly crave attention, and mix my alcohols like a blind hooker mixes dick. I will drink you under the table of your choice.

Fun time for this girl is staring into stage lights and getting paid to make people laugh.

A few of my favorite things, besides kittens, booze and French pastries are; New York Giants, traveling, fast talking, and FavStar. I mentioned I like to drink, right? And that I’m fucking funny. Contact me if you're not doing anything with your balls.

Winner: Irishcraichead


This will be the last online dating profile you will ever need to read, which is good because it's the last one I'm ever writing.

Hi, I am THE Original Nixster. Is your life not awesome enough? Is your life missing the excitement that only a witty, beautiful woman can provide? Do you agree that pillows are meant to be slept on and not used as decoration?  If you answered “Yes” to these questions, then let’s go get some steak and beer for God’s sake!  Warning: Last one to finish their steak has to buy shots.

After I wake up in the morning and watch how bad the Mets lost on Sports Center I enjoy watching such classic movies as Mallrats or listening to Adele or the Beatles. I am also a comedian. So if you like to hear the brutal truth about life portrayed in comedic fashion, then your sides will be splitting faster than the time it takes Nolan Ryan to eliminate Stevie Wonder in a game of dodgeball. Didn’t see that coming did ya?  Neither did Stevie….HEY OH!

I enjoy a good 12 year old occasionally. If he is not around I will go for his older 18 year old brother.  Both of their names are Jameson. Jameson is good friends with Arthur. His nickname is “The Black Stuff.”  If you cannot be friends with Jameson and Arthur (racist!), then you might not be Irish, or able to get along with me.  If by now you haven’t figured out this is Jameson Irish whiskey and Guinness beer, then you might want to run as fast as you can head first into a piece of heavy mining equipment. I do have a comic mind so I do like to laugh, but keep in mind, I’m funnier than you.  I like my sleep. If I am napping or you have been so lucky to make it to the Nixster after party, after bell tolls STFU! If you have to talk about your feelings then be prepared to talk to Hobo Joe on the street about it, not me. By this time my 1000 tweeps will be reading about the size of your business and how you cried when the sheriff “came to town”.  

So if you are man enough to take the Nixster challenge, hold on tight because your world will never be the same again. Peace out bitches!  Whew, made it all the way through without mentioning how much I love blowjobs. DAMN IT!