Ok so for those of you that read this blog regularly or follow my antics on Twitter - you know that I am a simple woman.  I like Scotch, Craft Beer, Good Music, Great Movies, and Sex.  I don't want kids, but I like them, and I don't want a relationship because i'm selfish so I prefer a booty call scenario.

Seriously, it doesn't take much effort to figure me out.  

So anyways, late last year I thought I discovered a guy who could entertain me.  he liked drinking as well, was of Irish heritage but was built better than your average Mick (sorry guys, you know its true) and he was a good lay.  But then something weird happened - he became a chick.  And frankly, I was over it quite quickly because if there's one thing I hate more than a Philly Sports fan, its drama. 

So I then wrote a great Guide for people to live by: Rules of the Booty Call

Well today, Hilarity ensued friends.  I recently changed cell phone service providers so all of my numbers from my old shitty Sprint phone, are not yet in my newer, much better Verizon phone.  So when the phone rang at 11:30am with no name but a familiar area code, I answered.  I was then hung up on.  What occurred next, still blows my mind.

(5 minutes later) Guy: hey sorry I miss dialed
(4 minutes after that) Guy: whats with the cold shoulder?
(10 minutes later) Me: Who is this?
(2 minutes later) Guy: John
(2 minutes after that) John: we had sex
(5 minutes later) Me: When?
(1 minute later) John: seriously?!
(1 minute later) John: you never called me and i wanted to have more of you
(2 minutes after that) John: ??
(2 minutes later) Me: John? From --------?
(3 minutes later) John: yeah how are you?
(2 minutes after that) John: i just wanted you to know that i still want you
(3 minutes after that) John: So you know if you're around and want to call me...
(10 minutes later) Me: I'm in Connecticut now, so good luck with that
(2 minutes later) John: I didn't mean right now
(3 minutes later) Me: No, I live here now.
(25 minutes later) John: Well call me if you come back to LI
(1 minute later) Me: I haven't heard from you since last year, you call me out of the blue. hang up on me. then you tell me to call you for sex? And men think women are crazy? Enjoy yourself....and lose my number



And THAT ladies & gents is how NOT to Booty Call.