Yes, there are rules.  "How do you know that Nixster" Because i've been one, and have had enough of them combined that I might as well just write a book on the damned thing!  But since no one wants to give me a damn book deal, i'm stuck giving away trade secrets for free instead of for money, sex or fame.

Such is my lot in life.

I was inspired to write this because my new Booty Call Dude (BCD) apparently hasn't done this before so he doesn't really know the rules.  Either that or he's just an idiot.  Regardless being a Booty Call doesn't consist of that many rules so here they are for you, laid out in simple black & white.


Rule #1 - Agree upon the status in Advance

This rule is probably the most important rule.  Why? Because if you don't lay out for the guy or girl at the very beginning of interaction that you don't want more than to fuck, well things get messy and quickly.  Especially when women are involved. 

"Nixster that's not true!"

Sorry sweetie, it is.  Why? Because everytime a single girl meets a man, they size him up as a potential sexual partner  match boyfriend husband and that's just a fact.  Its ok, Men know we do this.  But the thing is when Men first meet Women they size her up as a potential wife girlfriend match sexual partner and well, that's because they all think with their cock where as most women think with their heart,

So if it is mutually agreed upon (and ladies, this is not where you agree to it thinking "Oh he'll be my boyfriend, because he never will) Then Mazel Tov and good luck pulling off what a lot of people can't : Sex with out Relationship Consequences.


Rule #2 - "Sexting" is Essential

Now while some men (odd I know) complain that Texting is stupid, Sexting is far from it.  Women like to set the mood because we can't just get wet at the drop of a dime.  You guys look at a women and you're instantly hard but for us ladies, we need some type of set up or anticipation to get us going.  That's just how it works, deal with it.

If you complain about the Sexting being annoying or a bother, well then you're going to be spending a lot more time with Rosie Palm and less getting laid.


Rule #3 - Sleeping over is NOT an Option

You know that phrase for Visa or Mastercard or whatever company it is that says, "Get in, get out, get on with life?" Well the same should apply to every sex session you have.  There is definitely a moratorium on time spent afterwards.  If you've had a hella-sex session where your bodily fluids are drained and you both are in post-coital bliss, the most you should be there is 30 minutes.  Anything more is definitely pushing it.

If one of you hasn't cum or you're just blowing the guy, or eating out the girl then you shouldn't be sticking around more than 15 minutes.  Get your praise for your skills, and then be on your way people.  Sticking around too long only creates awkward pauses and the feeling of having to fill the air with conversation.  If you wanted post-coital conversation, you'd have a relationship not a booty call.


Rule #4 - Don't be that Guy/Girl

You know what i'm talking about.  Its been 3-4 days, you haven't heard from the booty call and now you're upset.  I went 4 days without hearing from mine.  I made fun of it - like it was a hostage standoff.  But there are girls, and even sometimes guys, that will be like "Oh my god I haven't heard form X in like 3 days".  You are the people I was talking about when I said that this will NEVER be a relationship.  No exceptions. 

So stop crying about it and deal with it.  Because the instant the other person gets that "Vibe" from you trying to chat and stick around longer and taking an interest in them, your booty call will disappear quicker than a mound of blow in front of Lindsay Lohan.


Rule #5 - When its over, just say it, cut the cord, and move on

Sometimes people try to extend booty calls longer than their given shelf life.  What's the shelf life? Well the shelf life of a booty call can be 1 week, 1 month or sometimes (in this ladies case) 2 1/2 years.  The thing you have to be able to do is roll with the ebb & flow of it. 

"huh?"

let me explain.  Me? I like sex, a LOT of sex.  so if i can keep it limited to one person, i'm much happier to do so this way he can find out what I like, I can find out what he likes and then I know i'm getting quality sex not just sex to have sex (i.e. - one night stands).  But if i'm starting out in a Booty call and there is far more effort & work being put in than there needs to? Well then i'm going to have to scrap it like a 90's boy band and start from scratch.

you'll know when it gets to be a hassle and once it does, cut the cord and walk away because if you don't it get allllll sorts of messy.


And there are the Rules of the Booty Call.  Learn 'em, Love 'em & Live by 'em!


Original Nixster