***Warning, the following “Article” contains very graphic and mature content. It is advised that no one under the age of 18 reads this.  However, if you do then well, to all the High School boys who will pass this along to their girlfriends (or boyfriends); You’re Welcome***

 

 

 

 

No, this isn’t some sort of “lure them in with the headline and then talk about something else”.  This “article” is exactly what it perpetrates itself to be; an informative and sometimes comical look as to what Cosmo won’t tell you.  Sure they’ll give you the ways to warm him up but will they teach you technique?

 

Well, ok I won’t personally teach you technique, but since I’ve done my fair share of dirty work and received my fair share of compliments (trust me when I say I will defend my abilities to almost anyone……even I have boundaries) I’m going to let you in on the lessons I’ve learned and the knowledge I’ve gained from when I was a good girl (oral sex isn’t sex, when you’re catholic right?) all the way up until I achieved the highest compliment I think you can ever get in the bedroom; “No one has ever made me cum from just sucking my dick” (I’ve heard that a handful of times, if only I could display it as a trophy somewhere like an Oscar).

 

 

Ok so now, where to begin?!

 

So, in my opinion, most people don’t just go from 0-60 and jump right into the sack.  The only Men & Women that do that are married with children and for them it’s all about time restrictions.  There are certain windows of time in which you can accomplish having actual physical sex, not just thinking about it, so you don’t even give a blow job a second thought.  So this might be the exception to that rule but I don’t think it comes without consequences.

 

I am personally convinced this is why there’s so much infidelity now a days.  I mean has any man, who has gotten blown regularly & well ever been like “I love you but I am going to go hook up with that woman now” – Hell No they haven’t!

 

Ladies you must take time, at least once a week, to give every man what he wants more than a sports game & a sandwich.  A good blow job. 

 

Sure it sound vulgar and not fun but we’re women.  We rock at everything we do.  You might think it’s nasty and disgusting and maybe in some instances it can be (men, you know how you like hardwood floors on women? Yeah well we like it when you’re pruned as well) but a BJ can go a long way.

 

And it all starts with putting the keys in the ignition, so to speak. 

 

See you’re there, with your guy, and you start making out.  Now, making out is fun but over the age of about 15 (its probably something retarded like 12 now a days I bet) it can only go for so long before you either stop everything in its tracks or you open the door, sit in the seat and put the key into the ignition.  You’ll know when you get to that point when, in the middle of the heavy groping that goes on during good make out sessions, you feel the “stick” ready to be “shifted”.

 

Now the first thing that pops into some women’s heads that aren’t very experienced at this is to immediately unzip/unbutton the pants and get to work but hold up there cowgirl, there’s some work left to be done! Yes, work.  But only its fun because once you harvest this power you’ll be an unstoppable force.

 

So when you feel him ready to shift gears, slowly go from kissing his lips to gradually moving your mouth to the neck.  Nibble the ear a bit even.  Work out the area and see what gets his engine to purr a bit more then just the making out.  As you’re doing this you can remove the shirt leaving him bare chested.  You, however, leave your shirt on.  Why? Because then you have the power and it’ll drive him crazy.  To ensure you have the power and that you don’t just skip to the sex, make sure to hold his wrists/hands back in the event he attempts to take control.

 

Show him who is boss.  Trust me.

 

Now, once his shirt is off, get yourself in the position to be above him and make sure he is on his back.  Now, instead of kissing his neck work your way down.  If he’s got a hairy chest well, I don’t know what to tell you.  Work a little quicker or ask him to Nair ahead of time, but think about it like this; when you want him to rev your engine and get you going you enjoy something similar right? You want him to take his time and work you up, right?  Well the same rules apply.  Just cause he has a penis doesn’t make the game any different, you just play it a tad differently.

 

Now work your way down and when you get to the top of the pants you can work this one of three ways.

 

First: You look up at him (this should be a recurring action for you, they love when you look up at them) and unbutton/unzip the pants with your hands

 

Second: You unbutton the pants then look up at him while unzipping with your teeth

 

Third: This is the porn star move; You do it all with your mouth, including once the pants are off taking his skivvies off with them too.  I don’t recommend this to first timers but being advantageous may win you points.

 

(if he has on a pair of swim trunks or drawstring shorts then hopefully the knot is loose enough for you to untie the string with your teeth.)

 

*editor’s note about teeth before the men all squeal: Ladies this is the ONLY time you will be using your teeth.  DO NOT use your teeth during the actual act. Ok back to the program*

 

Now once you’ve gotten all that out of the way, the real work begins.  And by real work I mean its time to put your gag reflex on the back burner and embrace your inner sex goddess.  Imagine, if you will, that the half-at attention (or possible full if you did step number three) penis in front of you is like a lollipop.  Better yet, it’s like a tootsie pop (hopefully not size wise).  You have to find our how many licks it’s going to take to get to the center.  That is your job and anyone with a work ethic is going to take pride in their work. 

 

You should be no exception.

 

So now that you’ve got this all set up its time to get to it.  Start slowly at first.  Don’t just start at the top and begin hoover mode, move around a bit.  Lick the sides; Lick from bottom to top and then from top to bottom.  Again, feel this portion out.  You’ll start to get some heavy panting, heavy breathing, “ooohhhh’s” and “ahhhh’s” and that’s when you’ll know that you’re making the right moves for him.  You’ll also get some pelvic shifting because he’ll be getting worked up if you’re doing it right.

 

If he’s just sitting still then he’s fallen asleep or you need to ask him what you need to do.  I can’t stress this enough ladies, just like you want to give instruction to men that go down on your poorly or don’t find your gspot while you’re having sex, they want to do the same when you don’t do it right on them but are probably afraid you will take it wrong and stop (which none of them want) so ask if you aren’t sure with yourself. 

 

Now if you’re doing this right, which you should be so far, you’ll be getting him more and more worked up and he’ll probably start to fight you and get you into the position to turn it into sex.  Again, grab his hands – or if need be him – and push him back down onto his back.  The thought of being taken control over and the thought of him not being able to ravish you right then and there will start sending him on the path towards being unable to stand it anymore.

 

This is when you need to start going for the gusto.

 

 

Now you can, if you start getting a bit jaw-exhausted, use the gentle stroke of your hand (use lotion ahead of time for extra soft hands) on the base of the penis and continue to lick & toy with the top half.  If you can get a rhythm working you will find him basically dry humping the air and the act of what you’re doing because he’s so into it.

 

If you feel that you can handle it, every now and again put as much of him in your mouth as possible and then slowly release it.  It gives him the sensation of being deep throated without you actually having to do it continually.

 

*editor’s note: men during the act of fellatio you all like to play with our hair which is nice but do NOT grab our heads and push them down. This is rude and extremely uncomfortable and we don’t like it. Well at least most of us don’t*

 

 

So now that you’ve gotten him good and worked up here is what you do next: take a breath.  That’s right, come up for air ladies.  Start working back up his chest.  He’ll be staring at you in disbelief and make sure as you work your way back up that you’re staring at him.  I mean full on eye contact – inner sex goddess remember?!  Then get to his chin, stop, and work your way back down but at a much quicker pace and then start the process all over again but with a bit more roughness.

 

Be mindful of your teeth, but put the lollipop in your mouth, and start going up and down.  Massage his thighs, gently play with his balls (while this sounds nasty to you in the beginning, it will drive him wild) and start going quicker and quicker without being too uncomfortable yourself.  If need be, move him into a position to make yourself more comfortable (I’m pretty sure by this point he’d be comfortable on a bed of nails) and the quicker you go, the more heated he’s going to start to get.

 

This is also when you’re going to have to start being able to judge when Old Faithful is going to erupt or you’re going to have to tell him to grab your arm or hand when he thinks he’s ready to go.  And you’re also going to have to decide one of three things again:

 

First: You let him do what he’s going to do and be no where near it

 

Second: You can let it start to do its thing and then pull away so he has a bit of that “dirty” fantasy played out

 

Third: You take it, and then swallow or spit. If you plan on swallowing, keep a drink near by.  If you’re spitting, keep an empty cup and a drink nearby.

 

Now once he’s done he’s going to need a drink too probably and you very well may get a kiss or not (hence why having something to drink near by can be helpful to mask the flavor) but go with the flow. Who knows, he may be so excited he wants to return the favor!

 

Now I could’ve gotten more graphic but well, there’s no use in giving all my secrets away and to be honest my technique is different from this in a few ways.  This is actually the culmination of 2-3 different techniques from some girls I talked to about this as well as myself. 

 

So ladies, go out there this weekend and take your man – or summer fling – to a place he’s never been before or probably hasn’t been lately: “Blown Away” 

 

 

And as always world: You’re Welcome.

 

Original Nixster