Hey You - Down in Front

Shattering Stereotypes of what a Woman should be like since 1979

Opinions are indeed like Assholes.....and I have one too

I'm so effin sick & tired of people feeling entitled to everything in this country!!

You can't afford to pay your student loans off? Don't you guys get like 20+ years to pay these off? Maybe you should be out looking for a 2nd job instead of protesting for 2+ months in a park in NYC.

You don't have a job? Well maybe you're not looking hard enough. I see plenty of 'Help Wanted' signs in windows... & restaurants everywhere. Get your hands dirty and take one. Or better yet move to a part of the country where they're hiring!

Can't afford a mortgage? Then don't buy a fucking house!

Can't afford a kid without going into debt? Then use a condom!

I don't like the banks and the bullshit fees either, and i'm just as frustrated, but I will be DAMNED if any more of the little money I do get to keep after the GOVERNMENT taxes me goes towards paying for any other friggin social program that benefits anyone but me! You people have enough of my fucking money, take a hike and make your own!

Posted by Original Nixster at 10/27/2011 6:25 AM | View Comments (2) | Add Comment

Sometimes, there are no words

I'm going to be honest. I haven't felt very compelled to write much as of late. I have so much going on in my personal life with changing jobs and trying to purchase a new car while simultaneously passing my road test like i'm 16 again, that I have knowingly, tho not completely willingly, neglected my site.

But tonight I feel compelled to share a story.

As most of you are aware (and if you're not, honestly, where have you been?) I moved from Long Island to Southern California in November 2004. I moved out there for, well take your pick on the reasons, but we'll go with "New Opportunities". I had no clue what I was going to do when I got there or how I was going to support myself. I had absolutely nothing. And by some accounts, I had less than nothing. But like a phoenix, I rose from the ashes. Only I didn't just rise from the ashes.

I used them as the foundation for what my life would eventually become.

Since deciding to take a leap of faith into the Universe 7 years ago I have lived more, and sometimes blacked out more, than your average person. I have seen the sun rise & set on 3 different continents and in 7 different countries. I have lived in 4 different states, I have Skydived, done Stand Up Comedy, produced events, started several blogs, loved passionately & deeply, been completely dumbfounded by greatness, lived every moment as much in the moment as I could and while I have made bonds and friendships that I know will last a lifetime with some of the most amazing people I might never have known - nothing prepares you for when you lose one of them.

My Long Beach friends are very dear to me for several reasons. But mot of all because when I had nothing and no one they not only took me in, but they gave me strength. They gave me courage. They made me see all of my potential and that I was the only person ever standing in my way. They taught me that no one could ever make me feel less than amazing, other than me. I learned so many things from these friends.

From this Family.

Cause that's what we were, or rather still are. With all of life's moments we are still there. Kids, Marriages, Divorces, Moves, Jobs - we still have each others backs. So when you lose one of them its not just losing an acquaintance or just some guy/girl you knew from a bar. Its like losing a brother, or sister, or a parent.

Today, we all lost someone very dear to us. A man who, to me, is one of the only men in the world I ever looked up to and admired that wasn't my Father or Grandfather.

Kamal was the kind of man who you wish you could have known. He was genuine. He was generous, loving, supportive, intelligent, passionate, kindhearted, simple, cultured, big hearted, and about a million other adjectives. He was the kind of man that would smile at anyone and greet them with a "Hello my friend".

Kamal was, well Kamal.

I feel privileged and honored to have known this man the past 6 years. He brought so much joy to not just my life, but to so many others. I'm grateful for my time with him and around him. No one knows why these things happen, but they do and it sucks, i won't lie. But I know that in a few days, when the shock, numbness, anger and flabbergastedness subside i'll be able to reflect on better times and smile when I think of him.

He made me a better person and I shall carry his spirit and tenacity for life with me always.

So Rest in Peace my dear, sweet friend. The world was better for having you in it and please know that while you may be physically gone from those who love you, we will always carry you with us in our hearts and souls.

Posted by Original Nixster at 10/25/2011 12:54 AM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Defensive Driving BLOWS

If you follow me on Twitter then you know I had to sit thru the first 4 hours of an 8 hour Defensive Driving course. Well Teacher Jay, as he called himself, was weirder than Michael Jackson - and that's saying a lot. He had several pearls of wisdom to bestow upon me, and I observed several things about him and the class, so now i'm going to share them with you.

- Teacher Jay: "Man what did I eat? So much gas....its cause i'm old"

- According to this guy if you use a quarter for a coin toss, more often than not it will come up heads. You're welcome men.

- He is currently making me write the phrase "I am worth it so I won't risk it". Maybe he should've talked to the girls on '16 & Pregnant'

- He keeps talking in 3rd person and resembles an even sadder version of George Costanza

- His shining example of drug & alcohol abuse is Heath Ledger; apparently he hasn't watched entertainment news in over 3 years

- His description of Jail: "Its full of spoons that have been turned into weapons and a lot of not nice people"

- In the video 'Your Choice' they show a kid doing a keg stand and the fat girl dies, while her skinny friend lives

- Teacher Jay "You there in the corner, do you know the answer"
Nixster "The answer is No"
Teacher Jay "That's right"

- The entire time I fully expected the Intervention camera crew & my parents to walk in and say "Do you know why we've brought you here today?"

- He mentions the 'Dew Drop Inn' as the imaginary bar he'd go to in order to drown his sorrows at least 6 times.

- Apparently you can't go to a party if you're not drinking because someone will roofie you and/or spike your drink

- He pronounced Dewars as "dew-wars" as if it was two words

- Apparently if you're upset about life, going to the bar to drink away your sorrows and find someone new to hook up with is not the answer.

After he made that last statement, I realized all i was doing was live-documenting my nightmare so I just started writing the words "HELP ME" over and over on a piece of paper. Have a Defensive Driving class nightmare?? Share it!

Posted by Original Nixster at 10/7/2011 7:44 AM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Song of the Day

While i looooooooove the Don Henley version, i'm just feeling slightly darker today...

Posted by Original Nixster at 10/7/2011 6:40 AM | View Comments (4) | Add Comment

4 Score and Seven Years Ago...

Ok, listen. I know. Before we even begin friends, I know. But hear me out. I've droned on for years about someone who was an obvious asshole, but this; This post right here is not the traditional Nicole post. No, not at all.

In fact, its the complete opposite. 7 years ago I was enthralled by a person. An idea. An image and persona I had built up in my mind and heart for someone who was never truly any of those things. I allowed myself to tear down my walls and let someone in. And that was my fault, because the whole time I knew better but I didn't want to believe my gut.

But I knew. So I moved to Los Angeles, as scared as anything and anyone ever, and I had to figure out what to do. Who to be. And I was afraid and lonely and I didn't know how or if I could go on. And then something happened.

I woke up.

The journey I've been on the last 7 years was never about running from or trashing something. It was me, having to finally recognize that I like myself, and I admire myself just as much as anybody else should, if not more so. I have done so many amazing things these past 7 years and I have met so many people that mean so much to me and I wouldn't trade any moment, of any day, or any experience - good or bad - for a second of time more with someone who never appreciated me an ounce of the love y'all have shown.

I have been broken, beaten, down and out, happy, sad, insane, blackedout, a stand up comic, a good friend, an enemy, loyal, lenient, in awe, in love, in discourse, and a million other things these past 7 years.

To ever person I have met on my Journey. From My fellow Nancies, to my SoCal family, to my Houston brood, back to my New York famiglia; You. Each and every one of you is the air I breathe. The love that lifts me up and the wind that lifts me above insurmountable feats. To each and every person in my life, thank you.

From the very bottom of my heart, thank you. Because without your love and support and appreciation, I would have never truly believed how amazing I am and how its because y'all allowed me to find myself, on my own time and in your own ways. Without you, I don't know where I'd even be...

Posted by Original Nixster at 10/4/2011 11:50 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Song of the Day

Posted by Original Nixster at 10/1/2011 10:35 AM | View Comments (2) | Add Comment

I used to write Poetry

Yep, believe it or not yours truly used to write poetry. A lot. And in re-reading all of these old journals and such I remembered how much I loved it. How freeing it was emotionally to be able to express myself differently. I have notebooks full of the stuff but I came across one that stood out to me just as much now, as it did when I wrote it.

i want to be on a billboard

in times square

wearing next to nothing

and not looking as anorexic

as every other girl that hangs

at 50 feet tall

I want to be larger than life

and yet small enough to appreciate it

and be humbled by it

and I want the adoration

that women who don't deserve it get

just because they hang next to me

I want to dominate this existence i've been given

and take it for all its worth

and devour it like its competition

in the State championship game

that means nothing in the long run

but everything at that moment in life

i want to be accepted

for not being that girl

and not feel guilty

for having these curves

but most of all i want the world

that admires those billboards

and the media that sets those expectations

to examine themselves with a microscope

without the option to airbrush

and the lighting that helps make them look skinny

and realize that Who I am

makes me worthy of hanging

up there in times square

not who they think i should be

Posted by Original Nixster at 9/25/2011 7:46 AM | View Comments (3) | Add Comment

Back to Basics

I have been writing ever since I can remember. And I don't mean in the sense that I can't remember back to when I was 3, I mean that ever since i knew how to write words and what they meant, I have kept a journal of some type. I got my very first Journal in 1988 - 4th grade. The next year my paternal grandmother passed away. I used it as an outlet, as a way to express what I didn't want to share with anyone else.

It may come as a shock to some of you, but I wasn't very popular in elementary, junior high or high school. Sure, i had my little niche in groups i found, but i never truly fit in with any one group of people. More often than not people made fun of me for having frizzy hair, for being awkward, or for being heavier than most other girls in my class.

I have kept these journals, every single one of them, and often times I read thru them to remind myself of how far i've come and how amazing I have somehow turned out. Its also good because it reminds me that not everyone is born into their greatness; contrary to Lady GaGa's belief; and more often than not, most of us don't truly hit our stride until later in life.

In rereading these entries i am reminded how at 8,18 and even 23 some of the most traumatizing moments of life are truly the most character building. And how crushing blows of loss can either propel you into a depression so deep you never think you'll see the light again, or how they can be the spark to make a change that can truly be life saving.

I don't claim to be an expert in anything. I don't claim to have had a horrific upbringing fiscally or emotionally from my parents. Matter of factly my parents sacrificed so much to give us the lives they always wanted for their children and did what they needed to do, and made the sacrifices they thought they needed to make so that we'd want for nothing. I'm forever grateful to my parents for all they've taught me and put up with from me over these years.

So now, i'm getting back to the basics or writing and of going on a new journey of self-discovery. I plan to journal this next year and share some of my past entries with you. I want people to read about me and I want to share my life in the hopes that it inspires others, of all ages, to never be afraid of who they are, or who they've been.

Nixster

Posted by Original Nixster at 9/18/2011 11:35 AM | View Comments (3) | Add Comment

Best (and only) Submissions to my Online Profile Contest

Its not joke when I say that I have the GREATEST fans/followers in all the world. How I got so amazingly lucky? I have no idea but regardless these people are just gold. Solid. Gold. So now, while I won't be running contests anymore these two amazing people submitted what they think my online profile should be. And what they didn't know is that they will BOTH win the prize - splitting the $50 for $25 a piece.

Use it wisely kids. And by wisely, I mean on beer & shots.

Runner Up: LeslieBarton87

Elegant WF humorist seeks M to share funny bone.

I’m searching for an approximate combination of blue collar morals, skill, humor, sweetness, height and filth. I am highly intelligent, and aggressively droll. I deservedly crave attention, and mix my alcohols like a blind hooker mixes dick. I will drink you under the table of your choice.

Fun time for this girl is staring into stage lights and getting paid to make people laugh.

A few of my favorite things, besides kittens, booze and French pastries are; New York Giants, traveling, fast talking, and FavStar. I mentioned I like to drink, right? And that I’m fucking funny. Contact me if you're not doing anything with your balls.

Winner: Irishcraichead

This will be the last online dating profile you will ever need to read, which is good because it's the last one I'm ever writing.

Hi, I am THE Original Nixster. Is your life not awesome enough? Is your life missing the excitement that only a witty, beautiful woman can provide? Do you agree that pillows are meant to be slept on and not used as decoration? If you answered “Yes” to these questions, then let’s go get some steak and beer for God’s sake! Warning: Last one to finish their steak has to buy shots.

After I wake up in the morning and watch how bad the Mets lost on Sports Center I enjoy watching such classic movies as Mallrats or listening to Adele or the Beatles. I am also a comedian. So if you like to hear the brutal truth about life portrayed in comedic fashion, then your sides will be splitting faster than the time it takes Nolan Ryan to eliminate Stevie Wonder in a game of dodgeball. Didn’t see that coming did ya? Neither did Stevie….HEY OH!

I enjoy a good 12 year old occasionally. If he is not around I will go for his older 18 year old brother. Both of their names are Jameson. Jameson is good friends with Arthur. His nickname is “The Black Stuff.” If you cannot be friends with Jameson and Arthur (racist!), then you might not be Irish, or able to get along with me. If by now you haven’t figured out this is Jameson Irish whiskey and Guinness beer, then you might want to run as fast as you can head first into a piece of heavy mining equipment. I do have a comic mind so I do like to laugh, but keep in mind, I’m funnier than you. I like my sleep. If I am napping or you have been so lucky to make it to the Nixster after party, after bell tolls STFU! If you have to talk about your feelings then be prepared to talk to Hobo Joe on the street about it, not me. By this time my 1000 tweeps will be reading about the size of your business and how you cried when the sheriff “came to town”.

So if you are man enough to take the Nixster challenge, hold on tight because your world will never be the same again. Peace out bitches! Whew, made it all the way through without mentioning how much I love blowjobs. DAMN IT!

Our winner might be the only man who has ever truly understood me - *tear

Posted by Original Nixster at 9/16/2011 7:59 AM | Add Comment

Here's what I think America....

You guys want to honor those that were lost 10 years ago today? You guys want to honor the memories of those who lost their lives? Then next time you see a Firefighter, Police Officer or a Soldier why don't you take the time to stop what you're doing and say "Thank You".

But most importantly if you truly and honestly want to honor the men, women & children who lost their lives on that fateful day 10 years ago, then don't ever be afraid to live yours to the fullest. Never Forget to tell your family & friends every day how much you love them.

Because i'm sure any one of them would give anything to have just 5 more seconds to do any of that.

Posted by Original Nixster at 9/11/2011 9:46 AM | View Comments (2) | Add Comment

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Opinions are indeed like Assholes.....and I have one too

Sometimes, there are no words

Defensive Driving BLOWS

Song of the Day

4 Score and Seven Years Ago...

Song of the Day

I used to write Poetry

Back to Basics

Best (and only) Submissions to my Online Profile Contest

Here's what I think America....

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